I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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