Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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