So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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