i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
