She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
