i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
