Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
