Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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