the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
