I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
