If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
