he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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