Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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