Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Blood and glitter go together right?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
