wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
