my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
