we have officially mastered the walk of shame
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
