toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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