his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
