Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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