My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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