hell yes lets make some ravioli
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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