he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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