This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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