From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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