I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
