One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
