We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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