So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
