Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
