i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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