Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
