Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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