I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
