Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
