YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
