Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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