Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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