i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
