he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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