He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
