I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
