Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
