Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
