He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
