im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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