Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
