just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
