Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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