Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
