yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
