the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He felt like a one man threesome
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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