I hate your face
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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