When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
