I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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