the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
