I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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