i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
