the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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