Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
