You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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