Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
