My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
