gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
