I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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