you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
