Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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