I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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