Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
