my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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