I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
