my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize